stressin

Ugh is all that describes my life right now.  I'm going home a month from tomorrow.  Im looking forward to it for certain things but overall I dont want to leave.  It's like a dream over here, no real worries other than money.  When I get home I have to worry about finding an effing job, and a house which I still dont have for next year, classes, graduating in the spring!? fighting with my parents of course, and I am sure other unnecessary bullshit.  Why on earth would anyone want to leave here.  I mean I obviously miss people from home, but like half the people I miss I wont see until September anyway.  I cannot believe how fast time has gone by.  Finals are in 3 weeks, and I have mad work to do before then too. Efff school.  And finding a job.  I have sent countless emails and not recieved a single response.  I am so screwed.  I would really rather not go back to AE unless I have to, and I dont even know if they will take me back to begin with.  Apparently they got realllly strict while I was gone.  

Too much has changed since I left, going home is going to be weird.  And I am actually going to have to deal with losing my grandmother.  Its been 2 months since she passed tomorrow.  Crazy..  I still havent decided if I want to watch her funeral yet. I think Im going to get a tattoo for her when I get back.  She always said big love, every time I saw her since I was born, it was her motto.  So i was thinking maybe that with a small heart in the middle on the side of my foot.  Idk.. gotta find the balls to go through with it first.  Bitter people like me need a reminder like that once in a while so why not.

Had an italian quiz today..bombed.  I remember a good amount of everything I have learned, but the part today I just dont get.  I am going to forget everything once I leave.  I barely use it here never mind at home, everyone speaks english here.  It was nice in Spain to get to use my spanish, or what I remember of it.  Jess and I were talking today about coming back.. she wants to do her co-op for her 5th year over here possibly.. and apparently her school has a master's in fashion marketing.  Definitely something I am going to think about.  Speaking of school.. jewelry making is going well. I am finishing up a pair of earrings I designed.  They're flowers, with 2 layers of silver, pretty big, that dangle and have fake pearls in the middle.  I was basically done until one of my solderings came off.  I had to resolder a piece so it burned the pearl, gotta buy a new one.  Anyway we also started making a ring again.  This one we carve into a piece of wax and then bring it to a jewler to have it made into silver.  Mine is a big ribbon.  It is so cute.  I am finally actually ok with something I have made.  The first ring is a mess and the earrings have caused me some trouble, but this so far I like.  We should finish soon.

In sewing today we started a collar.  I am getting better at this sewing thing.  Last week we learned how to hand sew, which I finished yesterday on my terrace in the 80 degrees. nothing like a little country and some sunn :)  makes me excited for this summer. 21, beers which I miss oh so much, country, and friends.. cant wait.  Anyway in sewing we also did a pocket and a sleeve.  The pocket was fun.  He let us choose our own stitch to put on the back.  Our teacher, Guido, is pretty funny.  He barely speaks any English and when he tries its hilarious.  Apparently his family was in the massive earthquake last week.  his fam is ok but his mother lost her home.  So sad.  My parents called me around noon that day, it was 6am at home so I was like well.. somethings wrong.  They were like ARE YOU OK? I was like um.. WTF are you talking about??  I had no idea there had been an earthquake.  I just woke up and went straight to Italian class.  It was closer to Rome but I mean some people dont exactly know where I am.  Some people said they felt it, it was around 330 am, and I was awake of course since I have effing insomnia, but I didnt feel anything.  Yeah speaking of that, when I get back I am getting some sleeping pills.  This has been consistent for years now and I cant deal anymore.  I dont like having to nap all the time and drink a thousand coffees a day, its annoying.  Especially with a roommate.  

Jess is leaving on monday :( WTF am I going to do! So sad.  We never hung out on our own at home, but I think we have become pretty good friends over here, sooo we'll prob hang out at home now I assume.  Messy I know you're reading this and saying ew that bitch Im not hanging out with her or ever eating a CHEESE again! hahah kiddingg<3>

Anyway thats enough talking about nothing all that important.

buona notte xoxo

ps... 21 in less than a month! AH. too bad its during finals week. fml